I LOOKED FOR HOURS

A change of plan since the last post. I met with the Secret Poets at the weekend and with their help ironed out the issues I had with two recent poems. I cannot stress how useful a sympathetic group of poets can be to improving your work. Take this first poem, two posts ago I had been saying that something was not right with it, thanks to the Secrets the problem has been identified and solved.

INNER SPACE

When he began to forget who he was

He took up mirrors

reflected on his reflection

Blanket wrapped the hours pass

gazing at his likeness

He is his own space telescope

the universe before him

And each eye a new world

to be examined in turn

One then the other

this one then that

Consumed by more than silence

he floats untethered

Ever diminishing

A new single first first line not only sets the scene, giving the information necessary for the poem to be understood but also compliments the final line in the layout. This next poem has been even more radically altered. You can read the earlier version here.

PAINTED MOON POEM

It is a circle on plaster

that cannot cause seas to rise or fall,

is of no use for agricultural purposes,

and sheds no soft light on lovers.

As they cannot land on it

thankfully astronauts

do not need to tell Huston

they have a problem.

I looked for hours

but could not discern a face

or locate the Sea of Tranquillity

even though the night was still.

The first stanza has gone. The poem is now more concise and the third stanza has been restructured. Thank you Secrets yet again.

Sadly I missed Alea Diane when she played a London gig recently but here she is with Paloma.

Until next time.