As readers to this blog will know, I have been struggling with the Purbeck group poem, the struggle has been: how to respect the participants work while shaping the poem into a form I am happy with. OK you could simply say it is what is is and leave it at that. Such would have been my response for many years, these days though I feel that form is important. To that end I would ask you a question: Should we make our work as accessible as possible?
My answer would be: Yes our work should be accessible. Therefore form is important. I would be interested in your opinions about form.
I have rewritten the group poem and now it reads:
My heart beats quicker
My skin awakens
At last release from boredom
They all thought it so easy
Yet it holds my attention
Each second is an age
I wish time to move faster
As I can’t keep still
My face flushes with anticipation
I want it all, I always have
Then, I shake my head in awe
I’ve got to the planet
Is this version any better? It’s different. I have made it first person. And what for me was a stumbling block, namely the other person getting to the planet they have always wanted to I have made fit by giving the poem a title. A title usually prepares us for the poem to come and this title makes it easier to accept the fantastic. Please let me know what you think of these three versions.
While on the topic of revisions, I have been working on a villanelle about the Purbeck Folk Festival and the connection that we have with tradition when listening to or playing a traditional song. I got stuck on the second line thinking I could not have the words old tradition as by definition all traditions must be old to a greater or lesser extent. I was thinking old tradition was a tautology but discussing it with a friend this afternoon I was assured that it worked. So here for the first time is the opening stanza:
Willow fingers, shapes on strings,
This old tradition they renew,
With all the gifts such moments bring.
The rest of the poem should be ready soon. Oh, the blog title is from Ducks On A Pond by The Incredible String Band, but you all knew that! Keep writing!