WE TIPTOED AROUND

Happy Solstice. It was overcast and damp here, so there are no photographs of this year's first sun. I am going through a period of rewrites, my attention is on what I have already written. You can read the last incarnation of today's poem here. I thought, upon rereading, that it was clumsily laid out. This led me to making a number of changes.

ELEPHANT ORNAMENTS

My father would have none of it

“China elephants as holiday gifts?

Oh no, they always bring bad luck.”

And who would openly court misfortune?

When a child there were moments

I sensed elephants in the living room

the drum taut tension of things unsaid

We tiptoed around their slumbering forms.

Usually I try to pare any poem back as far as I can but this one seemed too bare. I felt I needed to highlight who was speaking, to differentiate the opinion holder from the narrator. I do not think it is finished...

I leave you with a seasonal Alela.

Until next time.

I LOOKED FOR HOURS

A change of plan since the last post. I met with the Secret Poets at the weekend and with their help ironed out the issues I had with two recent poems. I cannot stress how useful a sympathetic group of poets can be to improving your work. Take this first poem, two posts ago I had been saying that something was not right with it, thanks to the Secrets the problem has been identified and solved.

INNER SPACE

When he began to forget who he was

He took up mirrors

reflected on his reflection

Blanket wrapped the hours pass

gazing at his likeness

He is his own space telescope

the universe before him

And each eye a new world

to be examined in turn

One then the other

this one then that

Consumed by more than silence

he floats untethered

Ever diminishing

A new single first first line not only sets the scene, giving the information necessary for the poem to be understood but also compliments the final line in the layout. This next poem has been even more radically altered. You can read the earlier version here.

PAINTED MOON POEM

It is a circle on plaster

that cannot cause seas to rise or fall,

is of no use for agricultural purposes,

and sheds no soft light on lovers.

As they cannot land on it

thankfully astronauts

do not need to tell Huston

they have a problem.

I looked for hours

but could not discern a face

or locate the Sea of Tranquillity

even though the night was still.

The first stanza has gone. The poem is now more concise and the third stanza has been restructured. Thank you Secrets yet again.

Sadly I missed Alea Diane when she played a London gig recently but here she is with Paloma.

Until next time.

THEFT

I am a magpie, I take attractive words I have heard, the stories of others and attempt to make something else from them. Regular readers of this blog will know this already. Perhaps there are only a finite number of stories in the world and each new one is simply a variation? Anyway, here's a poem about it, very meta. You can read the first version of this poem here.

THEFT

On more than one occasion

I have taken a conversation

because it was there

attractive words hung in the air

and cast them in ink on a page

I was discussing the next poem with a friend recently and I was prompted to add a line. You can read the last version here. 

INNER SPACE

He took up mirrors

reflected on his reflection

Blanket wrapped the hours pass

gazing at his likeness

He is his own space telescope

the universe before him

And each eye a new world

to be examined in turn

One then the other

this one then that

Consumed by more than silence

he floats untethered

Ever diminishing

I'm still not certain about this poem. Does it stand alone without the reader needing any extra knowledge? I think it needs to go away for a time.

Maya De Vitry is touring at the moment. Here she is from earlier this year.

Until next time.

CAUSE SEAS TO RISE OR FALL

I'd been thinking about a recent poem, that something was not quite right, but I couldn't think what. Then I realised that it was the line: to ensure the sun did not reflect as the sun does not reflect, but that its light is reflected off other objects. This led me to reappraise the whole poem. You can read the earlier draft here. 

PAINTED MOON POEM

They painted a moon on the wall,

well away from the windows, of course,

to ensure the sun could not be reflected

as cold silver light into the room.

It is a circle on plaster

that cannot cause seas to rise or fall,

is of no use for agricultural purposes,

and who would want to wish upon it.

Thankfully astronauts

do not need to tell Huston

they have a problem

as they cannot land on it.

I looked for hours

but could not discern a face

or locate the Sea of Tranquillity

even though the night was still.

Now it has an extra stanza and may be complete. I shall put it away for a time and we shall see. 

Katheryn Williams has a new album out. Here's Mystery Park.

Until next time.