I've been struggling with this poem for a couple of months. I am not sure it works.
top of the hills
highest point for miles
this house with glass walls
I came to map the valley
note the car’s headlights
see people like ants below
but the air thickens
water logged
opaque to observation
it leaves me like everyone
adrift in the fog of life
The genesis was the couple of days I spent outside Vichy in a house on a hill and yes, the fog/low cloud obscured the view. I suspect that I am not clear about what I want the poem to say. It definitely goes into the drawer for a couple of months.
Here's a rewrite of a poem I featured two or three posts ago. I've changed the layout. I think the poem breathes easier now.
FOURTH THURSDAY IN CATALUNYA
I am crossing the square
a bell begins to repeat three solemn notes
on the terrace in front of the church
there are knots of people
grief shock disbelief no one smiles
I turn the corner see a white hearse parked
flower tributes surround a pine coffin
there is a cross carved into the lid
the occupant is in no hurry for the service to begin
as I look at the local architecture
I keep returning to the one who waited
my mind asks if they had walked down this street
did the Modinisme buildings become so familiar
that they ceased to take in the details
or even notice them at all
when I recross the square
the church doors are closed
it is as if nothing had happened
I have been listening to the Laura Nyro boxset a lot. With any boxset you have to give the individual albums space to speak to you. There are many riches to behold. This was always a favourite.
Until next time.