And after the rain,
the snow…
Yes, today it’s
snowing, and as you can see from my photo, the bamboo in my garden has wilted
under the weight.
Today’s title comes
from an old Irish song. My favourite version is by Anne Briggs and you can
listen to it here. There are many versions of the song, which I think is
traditional. Anne has such a beautiful voice, here is a video clip that I may
have posted before. As she gave up singing in the 1970’s there’s little footage
of her.
Today though I do
not want to solely sing the praises of a great singer. Before the snow came
I was thinking of having a title about reworking/revision, because that is what
this post is about.
I probably sound
like a record with a stuck needle, for all of you old enough to get the vinyl
analogy, but revising your work is essential. I’ll give you an example recently
I posted a couple of poems that I thought at the time were complete. You can
read that version here.
ANTARTICA
I suppose it is fitting that we
arrived only a hundred years ago
just in time in fact to see it properly
before the heat we generated to take us there
and all the hot air we spoke about the place
started to shrink it down
rendered frozen water into tears
here where the snow ran red
as admundson slaughtered half his dogs
just to ensure he reached the pole first
as if it mattered
now we weigh up our chances of grabbing
the slowly revealed resources
once the ice sheets were beautiful
they will be again when we
are gone
I have to thank
Chrissy & Liz, the two people in my rather informal poetry group for their help
in polishing these poems. What do you think of the changes?
The second revised
poem was first posted here. This is the latest incarnation of it.
THE PROBLEM of WORDS
A flatpack of language awaited each of us;
Good to go; make sense of it as you will.
The pathways it creates
as it scoops thoughts from our brains,
shapes information, says it out loud.
It’s no wonder wars start and lovers turn to haters.
But words are all we have,
cobble them together as clearly as you can,
then hope for the best.
As you can see
there are differences in the two poems from how I had originally presented them.
I think they work better now, do you?
The secrets are revision
and sharing with sympathetic people. Constructive feedback is as valuable as platinum.
Join a group and learn to give as well as to receive.
I’ll leave you with
a couple more photographs.
Have a good week. I have Liz Lawrence playing in my
sitting room as part of her sofa tour of England, more about that next week.
I actually love all versions you wrote on both of these poems. Each has its own special character. The imagery is brilliant on all of them!!
ReplyDeleteHmm. As Jo said, I like both versions of your poems--though my impression is that the ideas are a little bit clearer in the second.
ReplyDeleteLove the photographs, as always.
Thanks Golden Eagle. I am trying to make the poems as clear as I can. Glad you liked the photos.
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