A rewrite this post with many thanks to the Secret Poets for their help. I cannot stress enough the benefits of being part of a supportive collective of poets. I am lucky to have been a member of such a supportive group for many years.
What's changed in the poem is that the lines are tighter, more economical. More show, less tell, which as I harp on post after post is the secret of good poetry.
it is a lazy narrative to gift water agency
the depths did not desire that thin gold band
the sea did not take the ring of my mother
let me offer this instead
that I had decided on one final dip
as October ran towards winter
in the intense cold
and the ring
always a loose fit
was gone before I knew it
so that when I searched
below the relentless waves
the view was murk and weed
my numb fingers read the rocks
sieved the sand
hunted for that familiar
the autumn tide was high and wild
and if I could have ladled it all away
spoon by spoonful I would
I waited it out
returned each day
to search the empty beachAs you can see the poem even has a title! That is good work for me. Thank you Secrets.
Here is a short piece written by Lizzie Nunnery and performed by Elinor Randle. Until next time.